Your crushing guilt

 Your crushing guilt

Your crushing guilt

Is neither a prison cell

Nor a devil’s badge of honour

You judge yourself too harshly

Forgive yourself

Carry that weight no more

Set it down and let it escape

Free yourself - find yourself

Pick up the pieces and build

Put together the broken mirror

Build it steadily one piece at a time

For its now many mirrors

 What am I getting at!?;

You are holding onto a good job that pays you enough to have all the creature comforts and entertainment at your disposal. You buy a great couch to go with your comfortable home that cuts you completely off people. You are seated on  this couch writing this write-up, article, rant whatever you are going to call it. The coffee table comes in next so you can put your foot up while being entertained. Then you realise the entrainment is a loop, the same act in a different name but for a small twist, it has managed to capture your attention the span of which is tiny, probably because there isn’t much else to do. This never ending loop continues to entertain you until you fall asleep from keeping awake.

You get an opportunity to travel to Europe on work, so you cover some of the castles and museums that you colleagues recommend and you cover some more places over the next few trips. Soon you realise that you’ve had some great experiences and travel bug takes you to mare places that you should’ve visited quite early in your life but was too lazy or non-committal about. You see the same travel bug has bitten multiple people and they’ve been posting about it on social media, so you follow suit until corona hits and travel as we know it, comes to a standstill.

You’ve got an understanding girlfriend who sexy, smart and great in bed. You love her, she loves you and you’ve hit a plateau in your love life you never thought you’d get to. You harbour some fantasies that your boo tries her best to bring to life because your bedroom is dying. You joke, comment, compliment, threaten and emotionally blackmail until you can’t squeeze anymore fun out of this relationship anymore.

You move on to other things, with lots of time on your hands you work out a bit, try some jogging and set some goals for yourself. You plan projects that will keep you busy over the weekend so you can be called productive. You create a small garden, light up your home to make it look cosy like all of those nice picture perfect shots on Pinterest. It’s like you are on a creative high, only you realise you been making stuff from the DIY instructions, something anybody given the time and interest could’ve done too.

You pick some recipes off YouTube and Pinterest and bake some pies and cakes.

You realise it looks good and gotta show off some of the great shit you put up on the table. So you take some pictures and post them on Instagram and invite friends over to a dinner cum birthday party. Your friends swoon over the great food and make orgasmic faces; you are elated. You become a self-proclaimed foodie and dish out exotic dishes and visit high-end restaurants to taste dishes that are trending. Some pictures go on social media to document your visit to these trending restaurants.

On a long term you realise you aren’t a tiny bit driven as some of the people around you are. Based on friendly advise you take up online courses in dream of gaining a new skill that will make you relevant again in your job. You buy a new laptop cum tablet because that is going to make learning easier just in case you want to take learning from your couch to your bed. You realise the tablets are amazing gaming devices and double up as screens to watch porn on while you self help yourself.

What was I getting at?

The cycle of Goodness

I was driving down to work on a Monday morning at a steady pace hoping to make it on time. It was a busy day by many standards, the construction of the new Metro project in the city had taken away fifty percent of the roads. The other half was filled with annoyed bikers, cars and buses. An odd rickshaw would overtake to jump into the next gap between the cars, every time they idled.

Just then the song changed to a reggae number and I had a fleeting thought of potheads. As the drums and the guitar got groovy I was convinced that potheads were some of the most peaceful people on the planet; and then...it happened.

At a junction, a taxi dives right into the space between the cars as we inched along. At first it was shock, I replayed this scene in my head several times until I saw a duck quacking where my car stood. Anger took over, I had to catch up with this evil taxi and put him behind me. Alas I was only a dumb, zero - street smart IT professional, I couldn’t get out and shout at the driver could I? How could I possibly hold up the traffic for a few minutes while I had a nasty conversation with the Taxi driver, it was unthinkable. So I honked and expected to awaken the world to my fury over this injustice. The honk must have felt like a rain drop on dry hump of a rhino, nothing happened except for some glares.

When the traffic moved I shoved and pushed my car into the other lanes desperate to overtake this anarchist taxi driver. I was honked at with equal fervour which I ignored and continued pushing people out of the way until I overtook the Taxi. I sighed with relief and only when the surroundings began to grow on me did I realise a number of dirty looks from the vehicles near me. I had managed to annoy at least 20 other people on the road. Not bad for a Monday morning; I will leave it to your imagination just how the rest of my day went from there.

The next day just as I was exiting the driveway, a car braked to let me pass. I immediately felt gratitude as the gentleman waved at me to go ahead. After all in a country of 6 billion, good deeds like this rarely occurred. The good deed had left an imprint, so I did the same to a number of other cars on the road. Where possible I stopped to let the children cross and slowed down for the cars join the traffic, I even managed to appraise some good looking women and suddenly the drive did not feel so tiring anymore. I felt no anger, no irritation and saw the world a little differently today. I believed that we are all inherently good inside and all of us are potentially great hippy potheads.

I had managed to pass on a single kind act of goodness and hopefully our potential potheads passed it on until it became an avalanche of goodness that flooded the world.

We gotta walk away

Oh baby we had some good times
All those times we hung around
Were some of the most beautiful moments in my life
We did good, we fell hard
You gotta understand its a two way street
And you can't treat me like a gadget that has no heart
We weren't going to make it like that baby
We gotta walk away

Walk away from the pain and the hurt
So i treat you like a precious little thing
I snuggled in with you and kissed you like there is no tomorrow
Wanted to buy you the world and see the sparkle in your eyes
We did good, we did great
But you gotta understand its a two way street
I needed you too to be there for me
I needed you too to stand up for me against the world
There were only excuses
We weren't going to make it like that baby
We gotta walk away
We gotta walk away from all the pretense and lies

All those times we drove around town laughing and talking
Our secret meetings when we hid from the world
All the lies I told the world to be with you were worth it
We were making history baby
But you gotta understand its a two way street
Love is a beautiful thing when we both part our efforts
Its beauty is in how much we want each other
Of late I have lost my sheen and your eyes have time not for me
We weren't going to make it like that baby
We were never going to
We gotta walk away baby
We gotta walk away from fighting
We gotta walk away from the haunting
I gotta walk away from you baby

If only I could..


If only I could leave right now
If only I could fly away now
Out of this corporate jail house
Out of this leash on my neck

If only I could get away from here
If only i could go to the ends of the world
Where there are no people
Where there are no rules

If only I could let go of everything
If only I could waste my time
If only I could..
If only I could..

Lonely road to heaven..


Ravens on a rainy day
my heart full of sorrow
A body numbed of pain
with broken desires of life
and crushed hopes of future

And a lonely road to heaven
No, no that’s not what I want
That’s not what I wished for

My heart still misses the loved ones
A promise not kept and the things left undone
of plans gone haywire

And a lonely road to heaven..

There I stood in the doorway
searching for a familiar face
Finding no one I know..
Uninvited, unwilling to enter
And to fill myself with peace
After all no heaven's a heaven without you..

And a lonely road to hell is all I see..